Things I've forgotten to mention...

Brooms and mops are much shorter and sinks are much lower, making cleaning up the house a pain in the back. If I wanted to, I could hire a housekeeper for around 5$ an hour.

Only the wealthiest people have dishwashers and clothes dryers. Even if I could afford one of these luxuries, there would be no place in my house to put them.

Supermarkets have 50 different brands of maxi pads and 0 tampons.

You can take a tricycle instead of a taxi, but it's not safe. Locals call them bung bung cars which essentially means bumper cars.

Most of my Chinese students have the same handwriting which looks like a cross between Times New Roman and italics. On the other hand, my Japanese students prefer a cross between Ariel and Comic Sans.

Everyone has a gas stove... or a hotplate, but there are no electric ranges. Ovens too are only for the wealthy but toaster ovens are becoming increasingly popular.

The first car I ever bought was a Toyota Echo. While not successful in the States, the same car is very popular in China and is called the Xiali 2000.

A person can make an average of 30$ an hour teaching English. Without a teaching degree and sometimes without any experience.

Apple fan? You can buy iJeans, iLighters, iShirts, iWallets, iScooters and various other items here in China.

I can buy real name brand jeans at the farmer's market for 3$ a pair but sometimes it's tricky getting the security tag off.

Beijing has several Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger Kings, KFCs, Baskin Robins, Cold Stones, Pizza Huts, Papa Johns, 7-11s, and at least two Wal-Marts. But there's still no Taco Bell.

In northern China, vinegar is the preferred condiment... not soy sauce. However most foods contain soy sauce.

I am one month away from my five year Chinaversary. I only planned to be here for six months.

Language Gap or Generation Gap?

When I logged into Blogger tonight my husband asked me, are you writing smack about China???

No, of course not dear, I always keep it educational and unbiased here. Why would I write smack about China??? **Stares at toes.** Maybe I should just write about the cat...

Many people have asked me if Jason and I have communication issues. Especially since, when we met, neither one of us spoke the other's language very well. The truth is, that's one of the things that makes our relationship so special... our ability to "get" each other, even when language fails us. To be honest, Jason's English these days is MUCH better than my Chinese.

I got a text from him the other day while he was at work. It said. "I'M CAPSLOCK... SO BUSY!"
Huh??? I'm pretty good at deciphering Jason's Chinglish... but this one didn't make any sense to me. I didn't reply.

When he got home that night, he flopped down on the bed, exhausted. He says, I learned a new word today. CAPSLOCK! It means you're angry. I laughed in pity. Oh honey, when you push caps lock and write in all caps, it appears that you are screaming, but people don't use the word capslock as a euphemism for being angry. Over the next few days I continued to laugh to myself. I'M SO CAPSLOCK!!!

In preparation for writing this blog, I looked up CAPSLOCK in the urban dictionary:

Well, there you have it. Looks like I was wrong. Who knew?

A Shitty Trip to the Vet

 

Meet Orangejello (or-AN-juh-lo) AKA Shitty Kitty. What a shitty thing to call a cat, you might say. I agree, but my roommate started calling him that and the name just stuck. 

Well, this week Shitty came down with a chest infection and we needed to take him to the vet. Our usual vet only speaks Chinese so I decided to try out the new international vet down the street, just to be safe. I called to make an appointment and they didn't have anyone who spoke English so I surprised myself and managed to tell the receptionist all of Shitty's symptoms in Chinese. I even managed to answer all of her questions about immunizations and past medical history including his recent neutering. 

The phone conversation went pretty well until it came time to give her my personal information. J-A-C-K-I-E, I spelled. J-A-C-A-I-E, she asked. Oh dear, after botching both my name and email address multiple times, it was time to give her the name of our cat. I thought about it for a moment. Orangejello is such a long name. So many letters to stumble over! I started spelling S-H-I-T-T-Y. I figured, she doesn't speak English, it's just easier this way. When I finished, she snickered. Nervously, I snickered. A long silent moment passed. Shit. This is one word this girl understands. How embarrassing. 

We got to the vet and Shitty's name was already in the system. I paid for his exam and my shame deepened as I was handed the receipt with his lovely name populating several fields. After his exam, I was introduced to the resident vet who was... an American. I hung my head in shame and she walked me through his diagnosis and treatment... all while looking at his chart with his shitty name written at the top. 

=======>Mother of the Year Award right here please!<=======

The moral of this story, never assume Chinese people don't understand English. 

Oh, and O-R-A-N-G-E-J-E-L-L-O... that spells Shitty!

Cinnamon Braised Beef

To coin a southern term, I love me some cinnamon and sugar. Throughout the years, my husband has scoffed at every sticky sweet cinnamon concoction that I've made. Recently, I found out why.

In China, cinnamon is rarely used in sweets. However, it is often paired with star anise when braising meat. Jason is so used to cinnamon in his savory dishes that he just doesn't like it in my sweets!

I actually love meaty cinnamony dishes, so here are a couple of new ideas for using this yummy spice!

1. This one is easy! The next time you make a hearty beef stew, toss in two star anise and one stick of cinnamon. It adds such a warm rich flavor to the stew. I love it!

2. Another recipe I love. Toss chunks of beef in a frying pan with a bit of hot oil. Sear the outside of the meat. When it's mostly brown on the outside, toss in some minced garlic, ginger, and onion until they're nice and caramelized. Then, throw in your cinnamon and anise, two cups of water, salt and pepper. Cover your pan and let everything simmer. (I usually have to add more water before the meat gets tender.) Once the meat is almost done I like to throw in a bunch of my favorite mushrooms. Instead of mushrooms, you can toss in some potatoes and/or green beans, which is what they do here in China. Just make sure there's enough water in the bottom of your pan to cook them. When I'm ready to serve this, I take the top off the pan and allow the water to reduce then, YUM!

3. My mother in law uses the above technique to cook pork ribs. She cuts them into bite-sized riblets first, sears, then simmers them. Jason prefers this over the beef. Super yummy!

Why can't I write your name in red?

As a teacher, there's one thing I've always got handy and that's my red pen. It's the only writing utensil that you can guarantee that I'll have on me at all times. So last week when a Chinese mom needed to give me her contact info, I casually handed her the nearest one. Holy cow, by the look on her face, you'd think I handed her a snake! She hesitated then asked me directly if it was okay to use a red pen. I thought, well yeah, I gave it to you! Go right ahead.

After she left, I vaguely remembered that there was a Chinese red ink name taboo of some sort and I set out to investigate. I asked my boss Jane about this one. Turns out, writing someone's name in red ink means that they are dead... or if that person is alive, it means that you want them to die.

Jane proposed an origin for this taboo. She said that long ago, epitaphs on gravestones were carved and filled in with red paint. In modern times, names in Chinese obituaries and posthumous credits are also printed in red.

So how do you get from Chinese obituary to red ink death wish curse??? We'll have to take a look at the Psychology of Religion for that! So for the Chinese, writing a name in red is part of a sacred ritual. Boundaries between the sacred and the profane define what is taboo. For centuries navigating taboos has given birth to superstitions, AKA supernatural consequences for appeasing or violating the sacred. So, in this case, the punishment fits the crime: red name = DEATH. Or in the hands of the devious, a curse of death.

Jane also mentioned that writing someone's name inside a square or rectangle is also a curse because tombs and tombstones are rectangular. It's like wishing someone were dead and buried. Good to know. So I guess writing someone's name on one of these might be out of the question???